angels are real and they are using neocities!!!!!!!!

i would like to clarify that i dont have any significant experience with catholic or christian stuff, i was raised unitarian universalist and i dont have any issues surrounding religion. for me the word "angel" and its associations is just, like, close enough. it gets the point across and i feel comfortable in communities that use the word angel.

i strongly believe that something in me is not human, and i always have. there is a distinct disconnect in my perception of myself. this is something that cannot be swayed and i would appreciate if anyone reading this was polite about it.

i've been in otherkin circles ever since i was 12 and honestly i really miss my early days in the community. it's so different now and i can't find anyone as serious as me about it anymore. this page isn't really about otherkin but it does overlap a lot with my angel thing sometimes.

i am not a human. i am often not even a person. i like to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone exist, but i rarely feel the want to join in. i spend a lot of time on public transport just to be invisible in the midst of it all. i have a deep love for humanity and believe that all humans are fundamentally good at their cores. the worlds and societies humans have built have caused a lot of harm, but humans themselves can never be "evil." humans are a social species and will always seek out some form of companionship or connection. i love the way other animals and inanimate objects get adopted into families and households. i love the accommodations they make for each other, and funerary practices, and celebrations they hold for all kinds of things. non-human animals that do similar things are also fascinating to me.

i get lonely sometimes, usually in short but intense bursts. i wish i wasnt scared of heights, or i would find things to do that feel like flying. i wish i could find people that i mesh well with. but i get by with animals and objects and my art and the people i talk to online.

honestly, i feel a lot of connection to the things gerard way has said about his mental health and the way he's felt about music being a spiritual mission. it feels ridiculous to say it but you just have to trust me. the joan of arc jokes resonate too well, haha.

here is... some music? this mental state often enhances my thing of treating myself like a fictional character, so i have a playlist.